English Language and Literature ETDs
Publication Date
Summer 7-5-2017
Abstract
In May 2002, during an argument with my fiancé, Chris, about a small amount of money, I punched a wall and broke my hand. In that one moment of overwhelm I was angry, but even more than that I felt somehow disconnected from myself. I felt, paradoxically, as though I was not actually the one driving my fist into the wall. I’d never been good at handling conflict; nearly every time I became embroiled in an argument I had a sensation that the floor was opening up beneath me and that I was floating away. But when I punched the wall I also felt something I couldn’t wrap my head around until much later: I felt entirely “storyless.” At the time I understood this feeling primarily by what had happened thirteen months earlier, when my husband Malcolm went home with another woman after work. But when I started following the threads backwards, I found so much more. In this work, I excavate the effects of my parents' divorce, a variety of abusive high school relationships, rape, and abortion. I explore what it means to become a mother in the aftermath of trauma, and then survive the end of my first marriage that fell to pieces under the very same roof where my parents’ marriage ended.
In the end, I learn that I was never storyless at all, but that I had to find my own voice so I could stop lifting away from myself, seal up the earth beneath my feet, and tell my story on my terms.
Degree Name
MFA Creative Writing
Level of Degree
Masters
Department Name
English
First Committee Member (Chair)
Greg Martin
Second Committee Member
Bethany Davila
Third Committee Member
Stephen Benz
Fourth Committee Member
Marisa P Clark
Fifth Committee Member
Robert Wilder
Language
English
Keywords
Storyless, memoir, silence, divorce, abortion, abuse, trauma, rape, story, voice
Document Type
Dissertation
Recommended Citation
June, Ana N.. "Storyless: A Memoir." (2017). https://digitalrepository.unm.edu/engl_etds/180
Comments
I had a sixth committee member: Emily Rapp. There's no space above for her name.